Tuesday, September 05, 2006
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday - Boyz II Men
I'm actually quite surprised at meself at how much i'm affected by the impending farewells. I used to think of meself as one who handled it really well. After all, i'm the kind who thrives on changes - moving on, meeting new people, experiencing different things.
To me, there's never any "goodbye"s - just "see ya"s. "Goodbye"s are too final. "See ya" has a temporal feel about it, and sorta like making an informal contract that we will meet up again. Parting with the sense of knowing that it is only for a short time has helped me deal with the countless of partings i had to go thru in me short life here.
So why can't i do that again? After all, we are in the 21st century. Travel around the world has never been easier (and expensive too!!!!!). Communication has improved by leaps and bounds in the past 10 years. As Natsuki said, we are Human Rights activists and therefore, we will up again in the future somewhere in the world.
The answer struck me yesterday - of why i'm reacting like this.
It's September.
September is the month when we celebrate Shona and Hollie's birthdays.
I loved them. When i had to leave Barking years ago, it was hardest to say goodbye to them - but it was made so much easier cuz i was positive that i'd be back there again, soon, to see them again.
As some of you know, i never saw them again*. The "see ya" said to them on one cold October Sunday morning in 1994 was never fulfilled. The "see ya" was in fact the final goodbye. I can still remember the sad look in Hollie's eyes as she walked out of the door while i waved at her, with a stupid smug smile on me face which was a result of a dumb over-confidence that i'll be seeing her again.
I guess that's wat makes goodbyes and farewells and see yas so much harder these days. I can't help but have this horrible thought inside me that that would be the last time i hear their voice, see their smile, enjoy their laugh, feel their touch.
p/s - many said goodbye to Steve "Croc Hunter" Irwin yesterday and today, we remember the brilliant Freddie Mercury who passed away today in 1991. Life is fragile....
To me, there's never any "goodbye"s - just "see ya"s. "Goodbye"s are too final. "See ya" has a temporal feel about it, and sorta like making an informal contract that we will meet up again. Parting with the sense of knowing that it is only for a short time has helped me deal with the countless of partings i had to go thru in me short life here.
So why can't i do that again? After all, we are in the 21st century. Travel around the world has never been easier (and expensive too!!!!!). Communication has improved by leaps and bounds in the past 10 years. As Natsuki said, we are Human Rights activists and therefore, we will up again in the future somewhere in the world.
The answer struck me yesterday - of why i'm reacting like this.
It's September.
September is the month when we celebrate Shona and Hollie's birthdays.
I loved them. When i had to leave Barking years ago, it was hardest to say goodbye to them - but it was made so much easier cuz i was positive that i'd be back there again, soon, to see them again.
As some of you know, i never saw them again*. The "see ya" said to them on one cold October Sunday morning in 1994 was never fulfilled. The "see ya" was in fact the final goodbye. I can still remember the sad look in Hollie's eyes as she walked out of the door while i waved at her, with a stupid smug smile on me face which was a result of a dumb over-confidence that i'll be seeing her again.
I guess that's wat makes goodbyes and farewells and see yas so much harder these days. I can't help but have this horrible thought inside me that that would be the last time i hear their voice, see their smile, enjoy their laugh, feel their touch.
p/s - many said goodbye to Steve "Croc Hunter" Irwin yesterday and today, we remember the brilliant Freddie Mercury who passed away today in 1991. Life is fragile....
*Their wonderful precious lives were cruelly taken away in a car accident in 2002.
# posted by imissw : 11:42:00 am
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i lost a fren to accident before too..was a pretty close fren but had drifted apart before the accident. still it affected me more than anything that had happened that year, i was 16. my greatest regret was not having cherrished him enough while we were still close, geographically. i had this stupid feeling of needing to build a protection shield and keep a distance with others. and i've taken all the little things he did for me for granted. it's true we might have been drifted further eversince even without that accident. but it took death for me to reallise the aweful and selfish things i'd done or had not done to a friend, and the price was simply too high for a 16-yr old.
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