Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Absence of fear - Jewel
There i was, standing in Fred's kitchen cum dining, late for me train, but rooted on the spot with tears welling in me eyes...
I snapped out of it. I'm not gonna start crying in front of an old man... or for that matter, anyone!
Just moments ago, he shared something so simple, so profound, so true, so... familiar! Yet, stupid people like me need reminders like that.
He was telling me about Olive, his friend, a missionary, who always said, "Leave it to the Lord". Yes, she lived that. When the missions society told her she was too old to be a missionary, she packed her bags and went on her own. And thruout her life in Kenya, she faced many uncertainties and difficulties - but she learnt one thing. To always leave it to the Lord.
And as Fred shared that wif me last nite, i realised that that was the root of my problems. I'm not leaving it with the Lord. I'm trying so hard to hang on to me memories, to me mates - and the harder i try, the further they seem to slip away.
There's so much fear - fear that things will never be the same again, fear that i'll never see them again, fear that life without them will feel so much inferior, fear that we'll eventually forget the wonderful time we shared.
But what can i do?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's life. We move on. Cest la vie.
Wait, there is one thing - i can leave it to the Lord.
Yet, that is so much easier said than done. I dun know why. Perhaps i'm paralysed by fear...
I snapped out of it. I'm not gonna start crying in front of an old man... or for that matter, anyone!
Just moments ago, he shared something so simple, so profound, so true, so... familiar! Yet, stupid people like me need reminders like that.
He was telling me about Olive, his friend, a missionary, who always said, "Leave it to the Lord". Yes, she lived that. When the missions society told her she was too old to be a missionary, she packed her bags and went on her own. And thruout her life in Kenya, she faced many uncertainties and difficulties - but she learnt one thing. To always leave it to the Lord.
And as Fred shared that wif me last nite, i realised that that was the root of my problems. I'm not leaving it with the Lord. I'm trying so hard to hang on to me memories, to me mates - and the harder i try, the further they seem to slip away.
There's so much fear - fear that things will never be the same again, fear that i'll never see them again, fear that life without them will feel so much inferior, fear that we'll eventually forget the wonderful time we shared.
But what can i do?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's life. We move on. Cest la vie.
Wait, there is one thing - i can leave it to the Lord.
Yet, that is so much easier said than done. I dun know why. Perhaps i'm paralysed by fear...
Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this
It's living
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal
By living
You have to go on living
(Joss Whedon)
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this
It's living
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal
By living
You have to go on living
(Joss Whedon)
# posted by imissw : 3:09:00 pm
